


For Her Own Sake

by MotleyMoose



Series: Roswell NM Drabbles [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Bad Thoughts, Dark Thoughts, Dark and not a happy story, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Rosa needs help, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, anger and frustration, trigger warning, tw self harm, tw suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:22:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25246084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotleyMoose/pseuds/MotleyMoose
Summary: Rosa is having trouble coming to terms with being alive
Relationships: Max Evans/Liz Ortecho
Series: Roswell NM Drabbles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828966
Kudos: 1





	For Her Own Sake

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This is very dark and depressing. If reading about a character contemplating suicide triggers you, please skip this story. I understand completely.
> 
> On another note, this is entirely based on feelings I've had before. It's not exactly canonical with the 2019 show (my timeline is a little fuzzy), nor do I care that it is. There have been few shows that I've loved almost every aspect (good AND bad) of it, and this is one of them.
> 
> If you haven't watched the show yet, do. It's weird and amazing and full of complex characters. Also, the cast is pretty dang cute across the board.

When she had been inside the creepy alien egg, Rosa Ortecho didn’t dream.

That was one of the few things she missed about being dead. In death, she was at peace. She couldn’t feel anything. There was no brain activity. And that meant that she didn’t have the recurring nightmares that she was being chased by a strange man during a rare lightning storm in her hometown of Roswell, New Mexico, a nightmare where she almost always ended up dying.

It was the third night, the fifth night, the twentieth night in a row that she woke up with a strangled scream and gasping sobs that wracked her body and left her even more tired when she awoke in the morning. The man had said things to her, awful, hurtful things that made her want to cry and whimper and cut herself. She didn’t know who he was or what exactly he wanted, and she didn’t want to find out. She just wanted it all to stop.

Rosa Ortecho wanted to not exist. Because not existing meant she wouldn’t have these feelings of hopelessness and regret and guilt that manifested into anger and drug abuse. Not existing meant she wouldn’t have weird dreams about a maniac trying to needle her into doing horrible things to people she barely even knew. No longer being meant that she wouldn’t have to see the pain and the hope in her baby sister’s eyes, wouldn’t have the crushing guilt of being alive while Max was dying lie heavily on her shoulders, wouldn’t feel the urge to protect her sister from things she herself didn’t understand.

And Max. The thought of what he had done stabbed at her caged heart. She never asked for this. Being dead, there had been nothing. Being brought back to the living was confusing and frustrating and painful. It felt like she had fallen asleep and woken up to find that all of her things had been shifted a foot to the left. The world didn’t make sense and her feelings didn’t make sense and the fact that everyone she’d loved was either dead or a decade older than who she was familiar with sure as hell didn't make sense.

It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair and she would not allow herself to rely on any of them for help. Because if she did, she knew that they’d fuck up or she'd fuck up or they'd all just end up fucking everything up and leaving everyone hurt and miserable. It was only a matter of time before that happened, so she might as well beat them to the punch and just blow up all of her relationships, no matter how fresh and confusing and desperately needed they were.

She wasn’t going to allow herself to be hurt or used again. She was taking her life into her own hands, and if she wanted to stop existing, that was her choice.

She’d not had a say in her first death or her resurrection, but Rosa Ortecho wasn’t going to let that stop her from doing what needed done. For her own sake.


End file.
